Bingo Liner Sign In

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During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.
It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.
The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.
After waking from the surgery, the caller asked...

We played BINGO lastnight inside the shuttle

How do you make an old lady say 'Fuck'?

How do you make three old ladies all yell profanity at the same time?

My doctor told me I had a Bingo tumor.

TIL the agricultural etymology of the word bingo.

A guy goes to the doctor and gets diagnosed with yellow 158 he is told he has a week to live. His wife asks him what he would like to do. He says he would like to go to the bingo as hes never tried it. His wife says ok darling if thats your wish.

First game he plays he gets house and wins a large sum of money and an entertainment system. Wins house in second game and wins a new car. The next day he visits the bingo again and wins house again and the same the next day. On his next visit he wins again and the speaker asks him up to the microph...

What’s got 99 balls and fucks old ladies?

How do you get nine grandmas to swear?

How do you get FOUR old lady’s to say FUCK ???

I got fired from my Bingo Caller Job...

Apparently 'A meal for two with a hairy view' is not the way you say 69.

I watched the US Presidential Debate last night, but I don't know if it was worth it

If I wanted to watch two old men fighting and screaming at each other, I would have just gone to bingo night at the local nursing home‬.

An elderly woman passes, leaving her life-long husband a lonely widower.

As time goes on, his life begins to unravel as he spirals into a pit of despair. This does not go unnoticed by his adult children, who grasp at any opportunity to cheer him up. Finally, one of them convinces him to grudgingly attend an evening game at the local bingo hall, knowing that he'll be in t...

I like my tumors like I like my bingo numbers...

What is the name of the elderly man that won three bingos in a row?

How can you tell that a Bingo player just isn't into you?

When you call their numbers 5 times in a row and they still don't answer.

Why don't physicists and Bingo players get along?

They disagree on the application and existence of a free space.

When is bingo harmless?

What's the worst part about trying to contact a bingo player?

You have to send them a letter with your number B4 they'll respond.

I started my new job as a bingo caller last night

and halfway through calling the numbers I farted loudly.
My boss immediately came over and whispered in my ear, 'Don't do that again.'
'Sorry,' I said, 'It must be the nerves.'
'Fair enough,' he replied, 'But there was no need to hold the microphone to your arse.'

This is stupid and funny at the same time

How do you get an 80-year-old woman to yell, 'CRAP!'?
You get another 80-year-old woman right next to her to yell, 'Bingo!

A gorgeous nymphomaniac boarded a plane...

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
'Hello', he blurted out, 'Busin...

THAT's how you do it!

So there's a couple that have been happily married for 30 years, except for one thing: the woman has never had an orgasm. So they visit a marriage counselor.
The counselor listens to their tale of woe, and says to the husband, 'Here's what you do. Go to the gym and find a strapping young man....

A star bingo player goes to the doctor

At one of his bingo tournaments, someone pointed out a dark spot on his neck. The bingo player was worried about this new mole growing on his body, thinking that it could be cancerous.
Bingo player: What do you think of the mole? Should i be worried?
Doctor: B9

Abbott & Costello

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .
ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 7.8%.
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?
ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%
COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%.
ABBOTT: 7.8% Unemployed.
COSTELLO: Righ...

Two old ladies

Fanny and Mary, two small and elderly ladies living in a retirement community in Florida are sitting on a porch and enjoying some cold ice tea after a game of bingo. They've been gossiping for a while, when suddenly Fanny asks:
'Mary, dear, you and your Frank have been happy in marriage, righ...

My mom loved bingo so much ...

A millionaire and a guide were out hunting ducks with a dog.

The dog runs into a thicket and back out and barks once. The owner said good there's one duck in there. They go in and sure enough one duck. They get the duck and head to the next thicket.
The dog runs in and back out. This time he barks three times. Good there's three ducks. They go in and b...

A 20 year old man comes to his sensei to help him...

M: Sensei, my girlfriend is pregnant, but I used a condom...
S: My son, I will tell you a story:
There once lived a hunter. One day, he planned a trip in a jungle, but forgot his gun.
Suddenly a tiger shown up. He could defend only with an umbrella, so he aimed at the tiger with it, ...

Yellow 24

A man goes to the doctor feeling ill. After checking the man over the doctor looks worried ‘ I don’t know how to break this to you, but you have a terminal disease known as yellow 24. Your blood will turn yellow and you only have 24 hours to live. I suggest you go and spend time with your loved ones...

Elderly Sex

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found her 97 year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder...

Want to know how to clear out an Iranian bingo parlor?

I found a tumor at Bingo last night.

How do you play Taliban bingo?

What did the bingo player shout out when he found out his tumor was harmless?

What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in North Korea?

Its Before not 'be fore'

You know how you play Iranian bingo?

How do you get 500 old cows in barn?

For a change, a genie appeared in front of a woman this time...

A genie appeared in front of a woman.
'Whatever you want, as many things as you want, just ask ' the genie said.
'My husband’s eyes should be only on me during all waking hours.'
'And then ..?'
'He should not be concerned with anything else in life except me.'
'An...

A lady goes to her doctor for a regular exam.

The doctor asks for a blood, stool and urine sample.
She replies, can I just leave my underwear I'm late for Bingo.

Lots of balls?

What has a lot of little balls and is always screwing old women?
A bingo machine

Old and Pregnant?

A 68 year old woman told her friend over a bingo game that she wanted to have a baby. Her friend, in reasonable disbelief, laughed at her.
The 68 year old woman retorted, 'Well, I have the apparatus to and with today's technology, I can have a baby.'
And she did just that. She got pr...

A man moved into a retirement home...

An elderly man decided it was time to move on. He packed his stuff and moved into a retirement home.
On his first day there, as he was unpacking his stuff into his room, he could help but notice that the woman in the room across the hall was staring at him. He thought it was odd but decided ...

An old woman goes to the doctor's office...

....The doctor gives her a checkup and says, 'I need to do stool, blood and urine tests.'
The woman says, 'Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour.'

A young virgin woman from very religious puritan family walks down the street.

A young virgin woman from very religious puritan family walks down the street. When she passes a taxi stop she overhears one taxi driver saying to other: 'Wow, I would love to shag that girl!' She gets home and she asks her mother: 'Mom, what does the word SHAG mean?' Her puritan mother gets all red...

Why do Japanese hate bingo?

This is my favourite joke I made, I hope no-one else has thought about it

Q. How do you get an old English woman to say 'f**k'
A. Get someone else to shout 'bingo!'
Some will get it, some will be offended. Most won't get it

How do you get a crowd of elderly people to all yell 'FUCK!' at the same time?

Screaming ladies !

How do you make hundreds of old ladies scream and moan together?
Have another old lady shout 'bingo'

First joke I ever learned

An elderly man arrives home from bingo and his wife comes running up to him.
'Thank goodness you're home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!'
He responds, '*A* Lunatic? There were hundreds of them!'

A bingo caller has a ball fly up at his face...

It goes right up his noise and gets stuck. He goes to the emergency room, the doctor says, 'I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you have a tumour'. The bingo caller looks shocked and asks, 'what's the good news?' The doctor responds, ' the tumour is B9'.

A old man and a young man play golf

The young man sees an old man hug an incredibly attractive 24 year old blonde. The woman leaves in a sport car peeling out of the facility wildly while leaving the old man with his golf gear. The old man walks towards the course smiling and seems to be settling up to start his game. The young man wa...

I made fifty little old ladies say 'Fuck' today.

when I yelled out 'Bingo'... and I wasn't even playing.

I saw a comment that requested more parrot jokes.

A man went into the pet shop to purchase something for his mother's birthday. His mother was alone and he thought it would be a good idea if she had a nice companion with her. He couldn't decide what kind of a pet to get so the shop owner showed him a parrot. He said, 'This parrot can speak in 5 dif...

Bob and Francis lived in a retirement home together...

They had quite a bond and would frequently hang out and spend time with each other. One of their favorite things to do would be to go out on the patio at night, gaze at the stares and reminisce on the good times.
One night when they were on the patio Bob asked Francis if she would hold his p...

What do a pedophiles hopes and bingo have in common?

A little boy is crying on the streets.

A cop comes up to him asks him what's happened.
Cop: Why are you crying, kiddo?
Boy: I can't find my mother.
Cop: Don't worry; we'll find her. What's she like?
Boy: Mostly cocks & bingo.

A young boy waits downstairs while his date is getting ready

The Dad is there watching TV with the family dog.
The boy farts, the Dad yells at the dog.
The boy farts again, the Dad again yells at the dog.
The third time, Dad yells 'Bingo, get way from him before he shits on you'!

Funny and offensive

What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes.
Why is it so hard to find men who are caring, kind, and good looking? Because those men alre...

Priest's Donkey

The parish was very poor and the priest tried everything he could to raise money. But the Bingo games didn't work, the spaghetti diners and pancake breakfasts din't work. He even tried raffling an old Ford and that didn't help. So the priest though of trying out horse racing. He went to a horse auct...

Did you hear that the guy who in invented bingo had a recent health scare?

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...

1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

An old man stopped me on the street to tell me this.

How do you get five sweet, kind, angelic, Christian, old ladies to swear like sailors?
Have a 6th one say 'BINGO!'

A game develper goes to H*ll

A young game developer is killed before his time, and stands before Saint Peter.
'Because you died so young, we cannot properly judge you on your sins and virtues. Therefore, you will be allowed to choose between going to Heaven or Hell.'
Before the developer can express his dismay, St. Peter ...

Once upon a time in a nursing home...

...there was an 80 year old woman and an 80 year old man. Despite their advanced years, they were both very much sexually driven despite the doctor's insistence that they give up that type of activity due to their advanced age, but one night, a sly wink over a game of Bingo and a sexy smile over pu...

What does she have that I don't?

An elderly woman is living out her golden years in a retirement home. One day she spots a newcomer at BINGO. He's a dashing gentleman of about her age and though she's rather a prude she can't help but be flattered when he flirts a little with her. And though she's not sure that it's the godly thing...

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